I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
