she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
