So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize