so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
