his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It was like getting head from an anaconda
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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