And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
