I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
