well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just cropdusted the office
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
