ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
