i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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