Dual....:-)
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
