she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
