I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
