woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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