Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
