Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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