dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
