dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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