so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
