Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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