I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
