Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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