SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
