Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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