youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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