he thought i was a dude.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she pinky promised me she was 18
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
