thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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