then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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