i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
