I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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