I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
