Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
