Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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