it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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