i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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