It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
