If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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