And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
