How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
