How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
