Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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