I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
