remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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