you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
