My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The air was thick with penises
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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