dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
two words: eviction party
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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