I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
