Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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