Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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