If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
