I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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