new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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