Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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