In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
