we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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