Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I want her autograph on my taint
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
