who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
