just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
