I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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