I want to walk on stilts...naked
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
