I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
