I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I currently don't understand fingers.
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