I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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