she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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