His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I am spending my child support on dildos
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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