I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize