i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize