the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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