i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
