I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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