We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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