I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
