exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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