I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
