Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
