She said her name was "party"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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