Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
