I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
