I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
