You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
