Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
