Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I wish my penis had an off switch
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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