At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
