When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
