That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
