She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
