Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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