ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
