i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
