Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
