are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
