Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
