Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
