Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
