I'm going to jail i love you
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
