I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
