She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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