My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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