you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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