She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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