That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
