"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
