your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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