Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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