D3 body, D1 cock
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
