When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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